{"id":3488,"date":"2020-02-07T22:30:27","date_gmt":"2020-02-07T14:30:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/decibel.one\/?p=3488"},"modified":"2020-02-07T19:46:39","modified_gmt":"2020-02-07T11:46:39","slug":"4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/decibel.one\/4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"4 tips for a happier relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><div class=\"fusion-fullwidth fullwidth-box fusion-builder-row-1 hundred-percent-fullwidth non-hundred-percent-height-scrolling\" style=\"background-color: rgba(255,255,255,0);background-position: center center;background-repeat: no-repeat;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;margin-bottom: 0px;margin-top: 0px;border-width: 0px 0px 0px 0px;border-color:#eae9e9;border-style:solid;\" ><div class=\"fusion-builder-row fusion-row\"><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-0 fusion_builder_column_1_1 1_1 fusion-one-full fusion-column-first fusion-column-last\" style=\"margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:10px;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\" style=\"background-position:left top;background-repeat:no-repeat;-webkit-background-size:cover;-moz-background-size:cover;-o-background-size:cover;background-size:cover;padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px;\"><span class=\" fusion-imageframe imageframe-none imageframe-1 hover-type-none\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1920\" image_height=\"1080\" image_id=\"3489\" alt=\"4 tips for a happier relationship\" title=\"4 tips for a happier relationship\" src=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship.jpg\" class=\"img-responsive wp-image-3489\" srcset=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship-200x113.jpg 200w, https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship-400x225.jpg 400w, https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship-600x338.jpg 600w, https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship-800x450.jpg 800w, https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship-1200x675.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/4-tips-for-a-happier-relationship.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1060px) 100vw, 1920px\" \/><\/span><div class=\"fusion-clearfix\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-fullwidth fullwidth-box fusion-builder-row-2 nonhundred-percent-fullwidth non-hundred-percent-height-scrolling\" style=\"background-color: #ffffff;background-position: center center;background-repeat: no-repeat;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;margin-bottom: 0px;margin-top: 0px;border-width: 0px 0px 0px 0px;border-color:#eae9e9;border-style:solid;\" ><div class=\"fusion-builder-row fusion-row\"><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-1 fusion_builder_column_1_5 1_5 fusion-one-fifth fusion-column-first\" style=\"width:20%;width:calc(20% - ( ( 4% + 4% ) * 0.2 ) );margin-right: 4%;margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:10px;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\" style=\"background-position:left top;background-repeat:no-repeat;-webkit-background-size:cover;-moz-background-size:cover;-o-background-size:cover;background-size:cover;padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px;\"><div class=\"fusion-clearfix\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-2 fusion_builder_column_3_5 3_5 fusion-three-fifth\" style=\"width:60%;width:calc(60% - ( ( 4% + 4% ) * 0.6 ) );margin-right: 4%;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\" style=\"background-position:left top;background-repeat:no-repeat;-webkit-background-size:cover;-moz-background-size:cover;-o-background-size:cover;background-size:cover;padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px;\"><style type=\"text\/css\"><\/style><div class=\"fusion-title title fusion-title-1 fusion-sep-none fusion-title-text fusion-title-size-three\" style=\"margin-top:16px;margin-bottom:16px;\"><h3 class=\"title-heading-left\" style=\"margin:0;\">4 tips for a happier relationship<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-1 caption2\"><p><strong>Lizzy L | 5 min read<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single sep-solid\" style=\"border-color:#d1d1d1;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-2\"><p>This one\u2019s <em>mostly<\/em> for the girls (sorry guys!). This article could also be titled: How to have the right expectations when it comes to your relationship, and how managing your expectations doesn\u2019t always mean you\u2019re settling for less.<\/p>\n<h3><\/h3>\n<h3><strong>1. Knowing our significant others can\u2019t meet all our needs<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>If you are looking for the \u201c<em>perfect one<\/em>\u201d who always says and does the right thing at the right time\u2014<em>all<\/em> <em>the time<\/em>, you\u2019re setting yourself up for disappointment. Because your boyfriend or spouse was never meant to be your main source of satisfaction. The best we can give as human companions are great, but it will never be enough (cue soundtrack from <em>The Greatest Showman<\/em>). If you look to your man to fill your cup, you will come out disappointed. You will drain him dry and wonder why he doesn\u2019t satisfy.<\/p>\n<p>But if you understand that he will never be able to fully meet all your needs because you were meant to be satisfied by the love of God, you will be able to do these two things, which will be great for you and your relationship:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Firstly, <strong>it gives you grace to continue loving your man even when he disappoints you<\/strong> because you are not looking to him to be the &#8216;be-all-and-end-all\u2019 of your happiness.<\/li>\n<li>Secondly, <strong>it gives you grace to affirm and remind him to draw strength from the Lord and not expect himself to be able to be sufficient for you<\/strong>. This is important because if you are always treating him like he has to be enough for the both of you (or basically be Jesus), he will eventually give up because he can try all he wants and still not be able to satisfy your never-ending need for love, affirmation or security. But when you remind him that he can love you only because the Lord loves him, supplies him, and has more than enough to give to him so that he can give to you, then you empower your man to be able to love you freely because he knows his supply of love is from the Lord and not for himself to wring out of his own limited hands and heart.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h3><\/h3>\n<h3><strong>2. Knowing the difference between \u2018settling\u2019 and having realistic expectations<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p><em>But how do I know if I\u2019m constantly disappointed because he\u2019s just not measuring up or because my expectations are too high?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Great question.<\/p>\n<p>Some of us grow up with a list of what we\u2019ll like to see in our future life partners. It might include words like \u201ctall, attractive, financially stable, generous, kind, loves animals, loves his parents, will love <em>my<\/em> parents, loves God, reads the Bible, serves in church, patient, understanding, forgiving, <em>preferably<\/em> pastor potential,\u201d and so on.<\/p>\n<p>But truthfully, there are only a few things he needs to have when you meet him, while the rest, you can help him with later (yes, fixing the hair and wardrobes come <em>after<\/em>, girls) if he possesses these three qualities:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Good financial stewardship<\/strong> [see <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=1+Timothy+5%3A8&amp;version=NKJV\">1 Tim. 5:8<\/a>]\nIf he doesn\u2019t know how to save and manage his money, he isn\u2019t ready to be responsible for a family.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Teachability<\/strong> [see <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=mark+4%3A25&amp;version=AMP\">Mark 4:25 AMP<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=proverbs+12%3A15&amp;version=NKJV\"> 12:15<\/a>]\nHe may not be polished like Benedict Cumberbatch but it\u2019s better to have someone who\u2019s willing to be molded than Mr. Hotshot who never believes he\u2019s wrong or whose ego can\u2019t stand being corrected.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Lovingkindness<\/strong> [see <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=proverbs+19%3A22&amp;version=NKJV\"> 19:22<\/a>]\nIn the Bible, <em>hesed<\/em>, or \u201ca faithful kind of love\/persistent and unconditional tenderness, kindness, and mercy\u201d, which means to say, <strong>faithfulness to commit to you<\/strong> through the good and bad and not bolt when things get difficult or you get older and wrinklier.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h3><\/h3>\n<h3><strong>3. Knowing how to communicate<\/strong><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>This is probably one of the biggest lessons I\u2019ve learned about relationships by the time my husband came into my life. Previously, I would either fly into a rage or go completely cold, wail that my ex-boyfriend(s) did not understand me, and not give the poor guy any handles to help him comprehend what I was actually upset about.<\/p>\n<p>I would make sweeping statements (\u201cYou don\u2019t care \/ You\u2019re always like that \/ Forget it\u201d) and men, bless their souls, they\u2019re not the best at figuring out why you\u2019re upset if you don\u2019t spell it out for them. They can guess and guess forever, and when they\u2019ve finally trawled through their memories of what they could have done to make you mad, they can still come to a conclusion that is almost always wrong OR has nothing to do with the actual reason you were upset with them in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>My advice? Where possible, be kind. Our male companions simply do not comprehend the world, interpret emotions and draw conclusions the same way we do. <strong>They are just not built that way.<\/strong> Most of them, anyway. And they do need help. Preferably from a sane, rational female who\u2019s willing to put aside her emotions for a moment to have a conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Being a highly emotional female, it doesn\u2019t mean that I don\u2019t get upset or have times I\u2019m tempted to lose my temper or give him the cold shoulder. But I have learned to take some time to calm down, talk to the Lord, and form sentences like \u201cWhen you do _______, it makes me feel _________, which then makes me feel like (what just happened) is not important to you when it means a lot to me.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Usually, our men <em>want<\/em> to do what he can to right what\u2019s wrong\u2014if he can even figure out what went wrong in the first place. That can be difficult for us as women to do but it helps\u2014so much\u2014to come to the table of discussion with that level of humility, maturity and sanity.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, it\u2019s not always easy to hold your tongue when someone triggers something that upsets or annoys you. But I do not want to confront issues when I am emotional. Because if I do, I will be placing my expectations on my husband, and not on Christ who is <em>in<\/em> him. By pointing out his faults when I am emotional, I will not be in a position of grace to remind him that despite his flaws, he has a God who is more than enough for him even when he fails. Instead, all he will hear is: You are not enough for me, and no matter how hard you try, you will <em>never<\/em> be good enough.<\/p>\n<p>This leads me to my final point:<\/p>\n<h3><strong><em>4. Really<\/em> knowing that \u2018Jesus be the center\u2019 is not just a catchy song title but THE key to a relationship that is mutually fulfilling<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>As we\u2019ve discussed, it is very easy to place our demands on each other in a relationship, and to make it very clear to the other person when we are disappointed with them. There are times I\u2019m so dry or emotionally wrought by other things going on at work\/family that I have absolutely no reserve left in my love tank to be kind, patient, or exercise point 3 with my husband.<\/p>\n<p>Which is why it is important that in a relationship, both your love tanks must first be filled with a constant revelation of the Lord\u2019s love for you individually, so that in the times when your partner is dry, you have enough to remind your partner that the Lord will always be enough. If not, this will lead to a downward spiral of demand and expectation.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019d end up with two frustrated people, neither of whom feel loved by each other, and the only way to intervene is to stop, have a good talk, and start reminding each other again that <strong>it is only the Lord\u2019s love that can ever be enough to satisfy our insatiable need for affection and affirmation<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>When our demand is SOLELY on each other, there will always be disappointment. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s wrong to demand of each other, every healthy relationship has demands, but when your demand is on the Lord who is IN them, it reminds your partner that it is not their own strength that will lift you up, but it is the Lord who will lift BOTH of you up.<\/p>\n<p>As John Eldredge writes in &#8220;Love &amp; War\u201d\u2014\u2018I don\u2019t know how couples without Jesus do it, but I can\u2019t imagine doing this without Jesus.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>We can only have grace for others when we have received grace ourselves. We love because He first loved us.<\/p>\n<p>Do you have other tips that help you stay contented and grateful in your relationship? Share with us in the comments below!<\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-separator fusion-full-width-sep\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;margin-bottom:20px;width:100%;\"><div class=\"fusion-separator-border sep-single sep-solid\" style=\"border-color:#d1d1d1;border-top-width:1px;\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-sep-clear\"><\/div><div class=\"fusion-text fusion-text-3\"><p>Categories: <a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/tag\/gods-love\/\" title=\"View God&#039;s Love\"  target=\"_self\">God&#039;s Love<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/tag\/love\/\" title=\"View Love\"  target=\"_self\">Love<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/tag\/marriage\/\" title=\"View Marriage\"  target=\"_self\">Marriage<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/tag\/relationships\/\" title=\"View Relationships\"  target=\"_self\">Relationships<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/tag\/right-believing\/\" title=\"View Right Believing\"  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https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/10-ageless-proverbs-that-are-still-relevant-to-us-today-700x441.jpg 700w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\" \/><\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"recent-posts-content\"><span class=\"vcard\" style=\"display: none;\"><span class=\"fn\"><a href=\"\" title=\"Posts by Lizzy L\" rel=\"author\">Lizzy L<\/a><\/span><\/span><span class=\"updated\" style=\"display:none;\">2020-01-16T17:55:05+08:00<\/span><h4 class=\"entry-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/10-proverbs-still-relevant-to-us-today\/\">10 ageless proverbs that are still relevant to us today<\/a><\/h4><p>aka #adulting according to the Bible.<\/p><\/div><\/article><article class=\"post fusion-column column col col-lg-4 col-md-4 col-sm-4\"><div class=\"fusion-flexslider fusion-flexslider-loading flexslider flexslider-hover-type-zoomin\"><ul class=\"slides\"><li><div class=\"full-video\"><iframe width=\"1152\" height=\"649\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Zz7VOBOax_I\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"recent-posts-content\"><span class=\"vcard\" style=\"display: none;\"><span class=\"fn\"><a href=\"\" title=\"Posts by Joey O\" rel=\"author\">Joey O<\/a><\/span><\/span><span class=\"updated\" style=\"display:none;\">2019-10-10T11:05:36+08:00<\/span><h4 class=\"entry-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/quickfire-with-pat-barrett\/\">Quickfire Questions with Pat Barrett (Live @ Decibel.one Studio)<\/a><\/h4><p>What does Pat Barrett sing in the shower? And what's the best piece of advice he's received?<\/p><\/div><\/article><article class=\"post fusion-column column col col-lg-4 col-md-4 col-sm-4\"><div class=\"fusion-flexslider fusion-flexslider-loading flexslider flexslider-hover-type-zoomin\"><ul class=\"slides\"><li><div class=\"full-video\"><iframe width=\"1152\" height=\"649\" src=\" https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/rWUxYfgFe0k\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"recent-posts-content\"><span class=\"vcard\" style=\"display: none;\"><span class=\"fn\"><a href=\"\" title=\"Posts by Joey O\" rel=\"author\">Joey O<\/a><\/span><\/span><span class=\"updated\" style=\"display:none;\">2019-10-10T11:09:37+08:00<\/span><h4 class=\"entry-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/interview-with-pat-barrett\/\">Interview with Pat Barrett (Live @ Decibel.one Studio)<\/a><\/h4><p>Hear him share about fatherhood, the many stories behind his songs and his advice for young songwriters!<\/p><\/div><\/article><article class=\"post fusion-column column col col-lg-4 col-md-4 col-sm-4\"><div class=\"fusion-flexslider fusion-flexslider-loading flexslider flexslider-hover-type-zoomin\"><ul class=\"slides\"><li><a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/how-to-serve-and-not-burn-out\/\" aria-label=\"How to avoid burnout when volunteering in church (especially for creatives)\" class=\"hover-type-zoomin\"><img width=\"700\" height=\"441\" src=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/how-to-serve-and-not-burn-out-700x441.jpg\" class=\"attachment-recent-posts size-recent-posts\" alt=\"How to avoid burnout when volunteering in church (especially for creatives)\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" srcset=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/how-to-serve-and-not-burn-out-320x202.jpg 320w, https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/how-to-serve-and-not-burn-out-700x441.jpg 700w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\" \/><\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"recent-posts-content\"><span class=\"vcard\" style=\"display: none;\"><span class=\"fn\"><a href=\"\" title=\"Posts by Lizzy L\" rel=\"author\">Lizzy L<\/a><\/span><\/span><span class=\"updated\" style=\"display:none;\">2020-07-08T18:07:12+08:00<\/span><h4 class=\"entry-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/how-to-serve-and-not-burn-out\/\">How to avoid burnout when volunteering in church (especially for creatives)<\/a><\/h4><p>7 tips to stay healthy and enjoy longevity while serving\/ volunteering in ministry.<\/p><\/div><\/article><article class=\"post fusion-column column col col-lg-4 col-md-4 col-sm-4\"><div class=\"fusion-flexslider fusion-flexslider-loading flexslider flexslider-hover-type-zoomin\"><ul class=\"slides\"><li><a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/4-questions-to-change-the-way-you-look-at-friendships\/\" aria-label=\"4 questions to change the way you look at friendships\" class=\"hover-type-zoomin\"><img width=\"700\" height=\"441\" src=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/4-questions-to-change-the-way-you-look-at-friendships-700x441.jpg\" class=\"attachment-recent-posts size-recent-posts\" alt=\"\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" srcset=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/4-questions-to-change-the-way-you-look-at-friendships-320x202.jpg 320w, https:\/\/decibel.one\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/4-questions-to-change-the-way-you-look-at-friendships-700x441.jpg 700w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\" \/><\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"recent-posts-content\"><span class=\"vcard\" style=\"display: none;\"><span class=\"fn\"><a href=\"\" title=\"Posts by Guest Contributor\" rel=\"author\">Guest Contributor<\/a><\/span><\/span><span class=\"updated\" style=\"display:none;\">2019-09-04T16:54:47+08:00<\/span><h4 class=\"entry-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/4-questions-to-change-the-way-you-look-at-friendships\/\">4 questions to change the way you look at friendships<\/a><\/h4><p>Ever wondered how you can have healthy friendships that'll help you through the different seasons of life? \u2060\u2800\r\n<\/p><\/div><\/article><article class=\"post fusion-column column col col-lg-4 col-md-4 col-sm-4\"><div class=\"fusion-flexslider fusion-flexslider-loading flexslider flexslider-hover-type-zoomin\"><ul class=\"slides\"><li><div class=\"full-video\"><iframe width=\"1152\" height=\"649\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/awkO61T6i0k\r\n\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"recent-posts-content\"><span class=\"vcard\" style=\"display: none;\"><span class=\"fn\"><a href=\"\" title=\"Posts by Lizzy L\" rel=\"author\">Lizzy L<\/a><\/span><\/span><span class=\"updated\" style=\"display:none;\">2019-08-30T11:17:05+08:00<\/span><h4 class=\"entry-title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/decibel.one\/bethel-music-i-raise-a-hallelujah\/\">Bethel Music \u2014 I Raise A Hallelujah<\/a><\/h4><p> Hear their story, listen to this song, and may it be your own anthem of victory in whatever situation you might be facing today.<\/p><\/div><\/article><\/section><\/div><div class=\"fusion-clearfix\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-5 fusion_builder_column_1_5 1_5 fusion-one-fifth fusion-column-last fusion-column-no-min-height\" style=\"width:20%;width:calc(20% - ( ( 4% ) * 0.2 ) );margin-top:20px;margin-bottom:10px;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-flex-column-wrapper-legacy\" style=\"background-position:left top;background-repeat:no-repeat;-webkit-background-size:cover;-moz-background-size:cover;-o-background-size:cover;background-size:cover;background-color:#f2f2f2;padding: 20px 8% 30px 8%;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-content-centered\"><div class=\"fusion-column-content\"><style type=\"text\/css\"><\/style><div class=\"fusion-title title fusion-title-3 fusion-sep-none fusion-title-center fusion-title-text fusion-title-size-five\" style=\"margin-top:16px;margin-bottom:-20px;\"><h5 class=\"title-heading-center\" style=\"margin:0;\"><p class=\"g1-alpha g1-alpha-1st\">Get our latest content and freebies straight to your inbox!<\/p><\/h5><\/div><style>\n #_form_11_ { font-size:14px; 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